i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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