i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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