Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
