I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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