well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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