think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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