Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
