I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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