THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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