He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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