just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
