Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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