Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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