you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
