so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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