His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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