a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
