you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
