I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
