I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
