some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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