Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
