Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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