I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
