what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
