The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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