i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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