There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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