The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
