hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
