a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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