how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
