I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
