where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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