he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
