she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
