just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
