he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
