i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
