thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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