You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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