Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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