Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
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I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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