After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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