saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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