Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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