You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
