I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
