i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
