my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
