My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
