she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
