i need an iv and a liver transplant
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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