I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
