Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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