You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
