Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
