I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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