I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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