Christians are straight up FREAKS
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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