I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
