dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
