Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
