I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm too high and old for this...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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