Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
