He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
