On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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