Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
