Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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