Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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