you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
