Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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