i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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