Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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