This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
