I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
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The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
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They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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