plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
