Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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