I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
