# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
