Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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