My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
