are you so shy because you have an std?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
